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Nine Needs - Acceptance
(+Open  -Manipulative)

BY DAVE GREGG

Accentuating a fundamental desire shared by most humans, the need for acceptance involves the acceptance of self and others. How we judge humanity is a quintessential lesson we must eventually learn before cycling off, and this need exemplifies that by encouraging tolerance for all who walk the earth.

With this need there is a deep desire to be loved, accepted, and to mirror this back to others, whether its through intimate relationships, family bonding, lifetime friendships, or close connections in a community. 

Relaxed, well-mannered, and quick to offer a friendly word if it will make someone feel good, people with this need are generally affable souls who are comfortable to be around. Like the goal of Flow, they accept what life brings them without much fuss, and are usually willing to forgive any transgressions taken against them.

Although true for most people, having a significant other as a safe haven is vitally important to those with this need. Without this intimate connection there will be considerably less happiness and a feeling of being lost or disconnected from the world.

In the positive pole this need encourages close bonding, romantic connections, and an open acceptance of people, despite obvious disparities. Over time, levels of altruism and total agape may eventually be reached.

In the negative pole, flattery or ingratiation will be used to gain favor by deliberate effort, such as the use of a phony smile or the courtesy laugh. Further, there can be an outright rejection of others and value judgments about everything. Prejudices concerning groups, lifestyles, or customs are all too common.  

There can also be a tendency to lie. Indeed, lying usually stems from a fear of not being loved or accepted, and it's used in hopes of avoiding that pain. Sadly, lies are insidious in their seductiveness and can become an addictive response to all unpleasant situations. The problem for people with a need of acceptance is when they resort to dishonesty they not only contradict themselves and damage their own self-worth, but they rob others of the ability to choose and make decisions not erroneously based on falsified information. This undermines the dignity and autonomy of the person being lied to because their choices might have been different if they had known the truth. Much self-karma can come from lying.

7 Levels of Acceptance

1. Ingratiation 2. Pleasing 3. Toleration 4. Conditional Acceptance 5. Matter-of-fact ok-ness 6. Love 7. Agape.

 

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Dave Gregg is a longtime Michael student and the webmaster of MichaelTeachings.com.  During the day he works on a gazillion projects online, and at night you'll find him at a local jazz club playing the saxophone.  

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