Messages

16

Parallel Universes & Selves / February 7 Nexus/Convergence anyone?

« on: February 17, 2012, 08:57:20 PM »

Has anyone had some very strange things happen over the past week or so? My life has been turned upside down by a sudden surging and expansion of feelings and possibilities in myself and those around me. I have also heard similar stories from random strangers, including one who has friends who are contemplative nuns who felt something change in the "spiritual atmosphere," some kind of expansion of love. There have also been some other strange physical evidence of some kind of convergence, such as my friend whose husband's HANDWRITING has completely changed after 15 years. Then there are other people having less intense experiences, like having conversations that seem to help gel and focus focuses and tendencies that have been building over the past decade or so.

Just wondering if anyone else has felt it, and I also want to call attention to this event so that people may be able to recognize it and benefit from that recognition.

17

Spirituality / Re: Decording?

« on: January 23, 2012, 02:02:32 AM »

In fact, I have spent my life acting harder and colder than I actually am because of them.

I, too, had done this all my life, because of things that happened to me (not what happened to you with your mother, but other things).

Over the years, I have gradually and consciously tried to stop acting this way, because it's not really me.  I am actually a friendly, empathetic person, although some people would never believe it!       So I can understand where you're coming from.

One thing:  after so many years of acting out this facade, I found it was a habit, and it's difficult to break, so I have to make a conscious effort--but it's worth it.  I feel more comfortable with myself now.

Thanks for sharing that, Betty. It feels weird at first, doesn't it? We come to believe that the hard shell is the only thing keeping us alive and that being softer will surely mean something bad will happen. But man, once you just surrender, it feels so much better - weird, but better! It's been a long process for me, and it's still going on.

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Spirituality / Re: Decording?

« on: January 19, 2012, 01:51:00 AM »

Thank you for the support, Ulla! I like your idea of sending good energy on the Astral plane even if I can't make things right on the physical. I would like things to be positive, but I can't do it alone. This gives me a way to be positive without hurting myself.

I'm very familiar with the Enneagram -- I am a 1w9, though I end up acting like an 8 in my family because I am surrounded by bad behavior + brick walls of denial! 

ETA: In fact, I have spent my life acting harder and colder than I actually am because of them. It's sad, but at least now I can make it right.

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Spirituality / Re: Decording?

« on: January 18, 2012, 05:31:22 AM »

Thanks for all your input, everyone! My husband found the right description for my parents -- it's good to finally have a name for it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_parents

The situation I'm in now is that I have worked, intensely, consistently, and mostly successfully, on expunging their negative influence from my psyche. I had actually worked it out where I could see them from time to time and it was fine, even somewhat pleasant at times, in a very limited way. I even found a way not to let it affect me for hours or days afterwards, not letting contact with them reconstitute all the negative structures that were built up from a lifetime of neglect and objectification. I've managed to be more detached and compassionate, and afterward get mad and vent or just be amused instead of letting it trigger me into reliving old patterns. I also identified the child part of me still pathetically trying to get some kind of parenting out of them, and got her to accept that it wasn't going to happen, I am 40 years old now, and adjusted into relating to them as fellow adults. Notice me twisting myself into pretzels to try to make a relationship with them, and they....stopped pressuring me to come to every family gathering because they know that I am easily willing to not be present at all if pushed. THAT'S IT!! That's the sum total of concern they have shown or changes they have made in response to my many years of speaking with them, pleading with them, and attempting to work with them on it.

This latest desire to break with them was sparked because recently my mother did something that triggered me worse than I have been triggered in years (on New Year's Day, thanks Mom!), and frankly, I've worked too hard to climb out of the quicksand I received from them as my foundation for life to let some external sense of obligation drag me back down into it. I shouldn't always have to be the one to change myself to avoid being hurt by someone who was supposed to love me and is not supposed to do hurtful things to me. I just shouldn't have to do this anymore.

This lifetime has had strong slavery themes for me - I can name at least 3 slave past lives that came up for me spontaneously in my 20's, without being channeled (though some have been confirmed by channelings). I have spent most of my life fighting intense self-hatred and shame, the belief that I was invisible (and I mean literally - I was so ignored that I grew to believe that when I spoke, no one could hear me), that I did not deserve to feel pleasure or enjoyment, and that I only existed for the pleasure and service of others (you can imagine the winners I attracted with that belief!). I lived through the horrible results of that, and then I lived through some very painful and grueling years working myself out of that mistaken belief and replacing it with something more healthy. Right now, I feel like yet again working my ass off to have some kind of relationship with the people who were the source of that debilitating and killing feeling (AND DO NOT CARE THAT THEY WERE/ARE and do not feel bothered to do anything that is responsive to my feelings instead of their own) is just another form of slavery.

Maybe I picked my parents this life with the intention of breaking off with them and experiencing everything that goes with that - why not? I can tell you this much - when I imagine not seeing them or having them in my life anymore, I feel nothing but a sense of peace, relief, joy, and - finally - security. I feel sorry for them personally, but I'm not the sacrificial lamb for them.

Anyway, on decording -- I don't see it as some kind of cure-all, but I do see it as a way to help get any of their energetic remnants out of my space, should they attempt to contact me that way. I know my (abusive and mentally ill) sister tries to get to me through my dreams, which is also something I'd like to stop.

Well, thanks for listening everyone...I know I spewed a lot of stuff, not all of which is relevant and some of which could be kind of triggery for people who also have family issues. So I appreciate your forbearance and your kind, non-judgmental input. ?

20

Spirituality / Re: Decording?

« on: January 14, 2012, 07:13:57 AM »

Thanks Ulla, I knew that was in there somewhere in the Stevens' book - very helpful!

John, I've been trying to transform the relationship for the past 15 years, but the other half of the relationship has shown no interest in working with me,  despite my varied multitude of attempts. At this point I feel I have to simply protect my own mental health and the health of my marriage. So yes, I am wanting to cut my mother completely out of my life - which makes your information very helpful to me. Thank you!

Jo, all my mother wants is for me to be friendly and do what she wants. The problem is, what she wants is for me to belittle myself, my needs, my feelings, my joy in life, in order to make my abusers happy. She is persistent about this, and won't let it go, no matter what I do or say. Reasoning, raw confessions, heartfelt pleas, and outright tantrums of frustration are all met with the same cold rejection. In fact, the abusers' feelings are always more important to her than mine are. I can't tell you how horrible this feels, what an awful reminder it is of the emotional neglect I lived with my entire life. After 15 years of trying to change this, I see it will always be this way. I know why she does it - I'm sorry for her, but that doesn't mean I sacrifice myself because she won't face her own situation and wants to drag me down with her.

Decording, yes

21

Spirituality / Decording?

« on: January 10, 2012, 12:08:49 AM »

Does anyone have advice about how to remove unwanted cords? From someone like, say, one's mother?

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General Discussion / Re: What is your diet?

« on: September 29, 2011, 07:15:16 PM »

Definitely with with you on the humanely-produced animal products, Chiara.  I buy certified organic or at least free-range meat, eggs and dairy wherever I can.  I was vegetarian or almost, for much of my life, so meat is very much "animal" to me, not just a random packaged foodstuff.

Elisa, me too. At this point I am constantly aware of where (who) this stuff comes from.

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General Discussion / Re: What is your diet?

« on: September 25, 2011, 02:47:28 AM »

I'm one of the people who picked "other." As I mentioned on a different thread, I have been vegetarian, vegan, and pescatarian at various times in my life, because I wished not to participate in the inhumane factory farming system. Over the years I've learned that I don't do well without at least some meat and dairy in my diet. So now I lean toward minimizing my consumption of animal products, and do my best to choose humanely-produced ones when I do choose them.

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King / Re: a King's mandate

« on: September 23, 2011, 05:50:11 PM »

I have never read that, but I will take a guess and say the mandate would come from the desires and agreement of those in the kingdom.

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Soul Age / Re: Old souls living a normal family life??

« on: September 13, 2011, 07:19:10 PM »

Sofia, I think it has more to do with your perspective on life than your activities in life. Different people can perform the same activity but with completely different perceptions and intentions, and they can be getting completely different things out of it. For instance, someone who is heavily involved in new age activities might actually be interested in spirituality, or they might be trying to impress their boss or their friends, or it might give them a tribe to be part of, or it might make them feel like they have figured out "the answer" and that other people who do not believe as they do are wrong. But just the external fact that they are into new age stuff doesn't tell you any of that. An old soul family is going to be a very different experience than a baby, young or mature soul family!

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General Discussion / Re: Dreams

« on: September 06, 2011, 05:06:14 PM »

Yes, there are only a few paragraphs about dreams, but the information is quite unique.

There is no clear, distinct meaning for anything in dreams, because it's all so personal. It's a matter of figuring out what the symbols mean to you and how they apply to your own life and psyche. That means those dream dictionaries are pretty much worthless.

To be very general, I would say that fighting dreams indicates some sort of conflict in yourself. When you start looking at the details and the feelings in the dream, then you can start to get more specific about what kind of conflict and what it means in your life.

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General Discussion / Re: Robert Burton

« on: September 04, 2011, 04:26:06 AM »

Oh, hahah! I was thinking of Richard Burton - I'll just shut up and go away now.....

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The Seven Chief Fears (or Features) / Re: Self-Destruction

« on: September 03, 2011, 06:27:31 PM »

I second the recommendation. In fact, I highly recommend all Jose Stevens' books. I find them the most useful and practical handbooks out there to using Michael in your every day life and thus making your life better, more whole, integrated, happy, and aligned with essence. And in my opinion, that's the actual point of the MT, not the speculating about aliens, etc. that many seem to do in tenuous connection to it.

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General Discussion / Re: Robert Burton

« on: September 03, 2011, 06:23:40 PM »

My first reaction when I read this was LOL. The excerpt itself seems quite fragmented and scattered to me. and the utter chaos and maya that permeated the guy's life makes it seem highly unlikely that he was a vehicle for anything but the normal brilliant self-destructive oversexed artist kind of thing. But I'm interested in hearing about the unknown ascetic side of Richard Burton, LOL!

My second reaction was, could they possibly be talking about Rock Hudson instead?

30

King / Re: Magnetic Kings

« on: August 29, 2011, 07:19:21 PM »

I thought that was a given, that essences would want to reunite.  Isn't that what we all do as we move through our evolution and progress to the Tao?

Exactly. So why is there a need for a Magnetic King, since that's what we are all inevitably doing anyway? What makes a group surrounding a Magnetic King different from a group of Task Companions or any other group working together? There is a certain vagueness about the concept here.