Essence > False Personality




Chiara DB:
1) I think we are attracted to things that don't make us happy because we have learned somewhere along the line that those things will somehow protect us or keep us safe.  I think it is connected with chief features. For instance, I used to be attracted to men who were fearful of intimacy. That was very good for my CF of Arrogance, since it kept me from having to ever be soft and vulnerable with someone else and thus risk being criticized. I also learned to place a great deal of importance on my looks and sexuality as a kind of armor against intimacy - if I could overwhelm men with my "amazingness" in those areas, they could never reject me. Needless to say, these things were awesome for my CF but horrible for me. But I couldn't see that until much later, when I hit bottom and a wonderful Old Priest (not my current husband) came into my life and helped get me on a better track.

I remember being in the opera "Faust," and there were three dancers who played Mephistopheles's demons. They would dance around Marguerite and try to tempt her to do the wrong thing. These demons wore masks that were exaggerated versions of women's makeup - white skin, pink cheeks, big black eyelashes and red pouty lips. I realized that those demons represented our misguided habits and beliefs -- when we are caught up in their seductive spell, they appear beautiful and alluring. But once we realize, "Hey, those are demons, they want to hurt me!", we can see that they are wearing ugly tacky makeup, an ugly, twisted imitation of beauty, and we wonder how we could have ever found them beautiful. It was a big turning point for me in beginning to let go of the habits and beliefs I thought were protecting me or feeding me, but really just hurt me.

2) In my experience it is true that things inside of us can't just be made to disappear without being expressed in some way. The best we can do is shove them down into some dark corner of our psyche, but of course then one day they pop up, often in the most inappropriate ways. It is more difficult, but better, to try to get them out and deal with them as soon as possible. How do we do this? I guess you just start to implement self-acceptance. This doesn't mean that you think that everything you do, say or think is a-okay, but you do come to realize that there are reasons why we do/say/think what we do, and that those reasons are usually understandable and even rational, considering where they arose from. Then we have to decide if acceptance is enough, or if there is something we want to start to change.

Hope that helps! I have spent most of my adult life dealing with these exact issues, so if you ever want to talk at length about them, I'd be happy to :)

Synchronicity working as usual. Yesterday I have started listening to my audio book Four Agreements. Heard about it long time ago, finally got it few days ago, because I have found out that the Czech version of the audio book is read by my favourite actor Jaroslav Dusek (definitely an old soul and some sort of kindred spirit) who has also created some other projects related to it. And I always read English stuff in original, but I had to get this in Czech just because he reads it.

Well, basically part of what is said there, is that we have a large amount of agreements with ourself, with others etc. Most of them are agreed to unconsciously. In Michael speak, lot of them come under Imprinting, but others don't and can be created consciously.

So if you were imprinted ("signed" and internal agreement) that you deserve to suffer, then you are acting according to that agreement. From what I can tell, most people have been more or less imprinted this way, although the strength of that imprinting/agreement differs, and also what differs is whether/how much that agreement/imprinting has been reinforced during the life.

You mention religion. Think just for a typical example about someone growing up under Christianity influence. I mean what can you glean from being told, as a child, that you are basically a sinner by nature. And if you think that this does not influence you if you did not grow up in Christian home, think again. It's pervasive. Nonetheless, it's only one of many ways we are being made to feel like s%#@ from the second we are born. Average parent also does a fair bit in this, no matter how unintentionally, unless they use very conscious methods of parenting, but even then, as humans, they will at times make their kids feel like crap in some way. And as if that was not enough, unless we are consciously working on ourselves, we of course pass such emotional poisonings on, making other people feel bad. We even do this if we work on ourselves, but in general, less then when acting completely out of unconscious programs.

Agreements tend to be self-reinforcing. What we have agreed to/believe, attracts more of the same, which then reinforces that agreement further as an experience.

Reasons for such imprinting can be numerous and I cannot think of a generalisation here. Some people may have for example grown up in a Baby Soul culture with a lot of "shoulds" and strict norms of behaviour. Imagine that there is something they need to go against in that culture. Not at all because they are much of a rebel, but imagine that the "rules" are impossible to obey for some reason. Now imagine that this going against those rules has some negative consequences (as it would have more or less). Through subtle or less subtle imprinting, messages would be incoming that the person basically deserves to suffer. Of course the person does not HAVE to accept it, but it is rather difficult not to, if the influence is very strong.

Or you happen to be born into an abusive family. Throughout your formative years, your life will be suffering. It would be pretty much impossible to grow up without self-worth issues. And if you feel worthless, you don't believe you deserve better. This shines from you unmistakably. If you ever met a person who feels worthless, I am certain you were able to tell. And if you had to interact with them, you might have even mistreat them yourself or find it very hard not to. Not by far soon into the relationship, but eventually it is difficult not to reflect their own belief. Or at least this has been my experience.

As for expressing strange thoughts, best thing in my experience is to acknowledge to myself that i have them. So what. They are just weird thoughts. Nothing else. They cannot do anything. Acknowledge them. In my experience, they tend to go away when you do, and they stay the more you refuse them and deny them. I don't think you have to understand them. Just acknowledge they are there and that it's okay and you are okay.

Regarding arrogance, it's protection--more precisely, a protection racket. It asks that you give up your vulnerability, as Chiara eloquently wrote about, in exchange for perceived safety. In the bargain you lose the parts of you that can feel connected to others. I have a CF of arrogance, so I know something of its machinations.

I think it's complicated but one thing is that if you set up in your mind you can't have something, even if you know you don't want it, it actually makes you want it.

But even this idea is controlled by another much stronger idea, which is that mostly I think society is extremely, extremely messed up and/because it is not set up in a way that promotes/values learning through joy and positivity. For ex, if people weren't so stressed and had adequate social support, I think most negative things wouldn't really be happening. There is no reason people should be so stressed - and this stress comes from fighting over resources. There is no reason that should happen. And there is no reason people should be so isolated. We have to change the way it is set up. Most of the things that happen here are basically a waste of life, IMHO.

Looking back over times when I was negatively embroiled, I think if there was an adequate social net I would have quite swiftly and easily walked away. Just my two cents.


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